blogging, friends, mental health, random thoughts, Uncategorized

2014 – The longest year

As we approach towards the end of 2014, I can honestly say that it will be one that I wont be looking back with too much enthusiasm. From what started off in late last December and progressed all the way through, my battle with depression has been a long arduous one which has been dotted with many ups and downs. Whilst I have made many new friends, I have lost some for one reason or another, but also more importantly the support of long time friends whose friendship has never wavered during the year. Many friends who took time to message privately and offer great support. Friends I don’t often get to speak to much, being there with support.

Suffering with the Big Black Dog was not something I ever thought about. Even when I was feeling tired and lacking of energy, I just put it down to being busy and rushing around. It was only when I read a blog post from a good friend, that I realised that maybe it was more than just being tired from being busy and rushing around as he described a lot of things that I had been going through. I had lost interest in my blog and my story. I had lost interest in watching football. Then came the split which I think compounded things even more.

I felt alone and worthless. Getting up seemed like a chore. I pushed myself to go to work and didn’t anyone at all to start with. I felt ashamed to be honest, like no one would believe me. I wasnt attention seeking either. I’m never one for trying to attract attention at the best of times, let alone use mental health like that.

February came and I got the diagnosis from the doctor. I had hoped that it wouldn’t be depression, but instead just tiredness or something. It was and I wasnt getting away from it. I would often find myself thinking – but why?  I surely don’t have anything to be depressed about. It doesn’t work like that as many people who have been through it will tell you.

I got back with my ex in March. Having resolved issues with people interfering, we tried again. It seemed to be going ok. I also started opening up about my situation and I found that I was not alone. I had a lot of support from friends and family. I did go downhill a bit and saw my anti depressant increased. The relationship was short lived but after initial despondency, I picked up a little. Friends continued to be supportive and then out of nowhere I seemed to take a backwards step. Couldn’t quite grasp why, but it was difficult. I kept things to myself again and hoped that things would pick up. Then I was unwell with another medical issue which made things worse.

I had returned to my doctor and he opted to refer me. That happened and it was decided CBT would be the way forward. Anything to help would have been welcome and so it was just a matter of waiting. I received a phone call and a place was available for six sessions of lectures as it were covering different things.

Something that has also made a difference, is living in a house with great people and a fab little westie. I have the pleasure of being able to take her out for a walk. It is always fun and never the same walk as she likes to change direction.

I know look towards 2015 and all that it brings and I thank everyone who has been there in one way or another however big or small the contribution.

This is the last post before Christmas, but as I will return afterwards. Thank you for reading and thank you for the support.



Some of you will have seen the news story regarding the dirty and disgusting Accident & Emergency department at the QEQM in Margate. One person making a complaint about some issues. Yes there are bound to be minor issues, but when people are complaining about a non working vending machine, well sorry. If you are in A&E, depending on why you are there, the last thing you will be worrying about is a bloody vending machine.

The lady in question had gone to A&E with a nose bleed. Now I don’t know the situation regarding the nose bleed, it maybe because it didn’t stop bleeding, or maybe there was background issues. If this isn’t the case, why on earth is she going to A&E for a nose bleed. This is half the problem. People going to A&E for minor things that just do not need a visit to casualty. If the people who went to A&E with obviously unimportant issues that don’t need immediate treatment then it would mean that those people who do need the treatment, would get the treatment sooner and people wouldn’t need to wait.

Going back to the main point though, I have found myself visiting A&E on many occasion, both as a patient and going with a friend. On all those occasions, I have never seen the department looking dirty or miserable. The waiting area may have looked a bit drab but hey when I require medical attention, the last thing Im worried about is how things are looking. The main things on my mind are either myself being treated or the person I am with being treated and given the necessary treatment to recover from whatever the issue is.

The staff at the QEQM do a fab job, without having people picking and sniping. Hopefully they can just get on with the job without anymore grief.